Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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