I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
