Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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