Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
