goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize