I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
