can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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