just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
