i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
