i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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