Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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