i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
