Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
