So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
