I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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