ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
