haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
