her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
