Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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