Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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