Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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