I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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