Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
