I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize