Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
