i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
