This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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