I accidentally burped into my bong.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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