oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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