A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
