Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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