Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
