I was born with a shot glass in my hand
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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