i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
