New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
