Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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