Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
