Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
