if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
