So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
