So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
