I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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