There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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