Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
