then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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