I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Sext me about skeletons
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
