Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
