I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
