K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize
