I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
