I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
