you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
We got so high we made milksteak
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
