In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
