i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
