yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
