I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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