i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
