Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
