dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
