We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
