I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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