did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
where are you?
Hypothermia
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
