I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize